Growing Up is Overrated || My Thoughts About . . . Growing Up

i have four weeks left of high school
four more weeks with my friends, my routines, my life
four weeks until i go off into the Great Big World to seek my fortune, like stories say
i’ll get presented with a piece of paper that says i’m certified to do Life™
and i’m expected to break ties and forge new ones

it hurts.
i’ve been in the same routine for four years, maybe more
a part of me is straining at the bonds, waiting to see what will happen
the rest of me is willing time to move more slowly
willing myself to be more present, to take it all in
these last moments are to be treasured
hide them away
i need to store them as the memories come
i wish i could experience them fully
but i can’t thanks, derealization

i write but the memories fade
warped through the lens of time
what’s real and what did i think up

their lives will be the same
everyone moves up a grade
new band pieces will be chosen
new science olympiad events will be assigned
new cubbies kids will join
but i won’t be there
i’ll be with a couple thousand other kids who also don’t know what they’re doing
trapped on five square miles for four straight years

my friends will make new friends
adjust to life without me
i’m sure i’ll make friends too
but there’s no going back

back to the days in the band room
“running through” pieces “just one more time”
back to the days in the old church
looking at event pairings on the too-bright projector
back to the study days
rocks, powders, writing, talking, laughing
back to the kitchen counter
supergluing impossibly small pieces together
back to the church foyer days
waiting with bated breath to see fragile forms fly
back to the church basement
loving on kids that are much too small
back to the farm
giving presentations and eating snacks and talking about band

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there’s no going back
and it hurts.
tears are shed
so many tears
tears for the unknown
tears for the known
tears for the people
tears for the memories
tears for the love

it doesn’t feel like i’ve been doing the same thing for five years
but it has been
monday- science olympiad
tuesday- band
wednesday- awana
thursday- class
friday- more science olympiad
just as i was getting good at how it works
and it’s time to go.

growing up is overrated
people always talk about ‘when you go to college’ as if college is some glorious, magical place where everything is made right
i’ve spent the last four years of my life getting ready
internships, resumes, extracurriculars
standardized tests, advanced classes, opportunities
my list of accomplishments

but it doesn’t include the hours curled up on the couch with your friends
it doesn’t count the moments where it’s just you and your friends, when nothing else exists
none of these count, in the Big Picture™ of life
but those are the ones that matter

growing up is exciting
and beautiful
and challenging
but it also sucks
growing up is overrated.


P.S. a song that came to mind, not really related, but i thought i’d share

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School Year Goals 2016-2017 ||Back to School 2016

Wowwwwww. How am I a junior already? I started this blog my freshman year, and it’s been 2 1/2 years, and I’m staring down the barrel of the PSAT and SAT….AAGH!! I literally cannot imagine why I’m a junior already. EESH.

Every year so far in high school, I’ve done a post about my School Year Goals, because I’m such a goal-oriented person. If you haven’t seen these before, I go over last year’s goals and see how well I did on them, then add my goals for this year.

(Also, as I’m writing this, I’m listening to Meghan Trainer, and I’m just realizing how awesome and upbeat and inspiring her music is–and it’s so awesome!!)

So…without further ado…I bring you…

back to school

First, last year’s goals.

  1. Honor God more in what I do Well…this is one of those really ambiguous, hard to measure types of goals. I mean…I did a year-round Bible reading plan? Oh, and I also did a Worldview class, in which I learned how to defend my faith and about how other faiths work, so that i’m better able to witness to them. I also *tried* to be more humble and stuffs…so I guess it counts? Success
  2. Get a 5 in at least one AP course (which is really important, because if I don’t get a 5, then I’ll have to go to school next year. :/) …still no 5 *sigh* I did better than I did last year, though! Although I didn’t take any AP courses, I took 2 AP tests and got 4’s on them. So I’ve improved! Yay!! (And also, my parents switched the conditions to ‘if I passed’ so, I get to stay homeschooled!) Fail
  3. Get a 800 in a SAT subject test. This was sad. I took Math I, and it was really fun and easy…the only error I made was that I took it at the end of 2 other tests (SAT subject tests work that way)…so although I could do all the problems, I ended up messing up a lot, and so…yeah…no. XD Fail
  4. Take the SAT. Yeah, no, this didn’t happen. I did take the PSAT, though, and did decently well on it, so that counts for something? Maybe…hehe. And also I took subject tests, so that took down one more SAT date. Fail
  5. Get at least A’s in all my courses- Um. Yeah?! I ended the year with A’s (no A-‘s, yay!). If you want a taste of what I took last year, read my Sophomore Year Reflections, which has what I took and how I liked the classes and all that stuffs. The stuff about my tests are also on there too. Success.
  6. Play more music, including starting a flute choir. Um. Well…OH WAIT I STARTED PLAYING BASSOON!! yup, more music. Check. XD But anyways, this year was legitimately music-filled. I had private lessons in flute, piano, AND bassoon; played flute and bassoon in band; and played flute with friends! So I guess that kinda counts as flute choir? I mean, it’s only happened twice so far, but still, it counts and we’re planning on doing more in the future! Success
  7. Volunteer at least 100 hours (I’m homeschooled; what can you do? XD) Okay, Imma be honest. I didn’t log volunteer hours this year. 😦 (and yes, I’m really bad, and colleges want to see it, and all that crap, and I’ll have to get to it someday *spouts more excuses that you don’t want to listen to*). I volunteered in the church Sunday School for 4 year olds, as well as in the nursury a few times, and I also volunteered in AWANA all year. I also did some in the county fair, and also since apparently going to nursing homes and playing music counts, I did that too. So although I don’t know the exact number of hours, I’m going to count that I did it, because I don’t know if I could have volunteered more than I already did. Success.
  8. Take at least 5 standardized (as in big, important, life/career changing) tests PSAT, AP US History, AP Biology, SAT US History, SAT Biology, SAT Math I. YUSHHH, or rather, Success.

I got 6/10, 1 better than last year! Yay!!

Okay…so now on to this year’s goals!

  1. Rely more on God and give Him the glory.
  2. Score within 8% of last year’s PSAT score.
  3. Get my first 5 on an AP test
  4. Get at least A’s in all my other classes (physics and world history)
  5. Make SciOly nationals (we didn’t make it last year; I didn’t make it part of my goals, but we SHALL this year. ;P)
  6. Play lots of music, improve my musical ear (aka don’t be yelled at for being out of tune every week at band), and learn more piano pieces.
  7. Try doing something different
  8. Learn how to take cute and pretty notes
  9. Take the SAT and 5 other tests and don’t fail
  10. Have fun and don’t die (ideas: listen to more music, get outside more often, disconnect from the internet more often, live life, don’t die)

So these are the goals I’m setting for myself this year! What are some of the things you want to achieve this year?

School-year goals 2015-2016||Back To School 2015

On my “previous” (I actually still have it; it’s just not really active anymore) blog, I made a school goal post for last year (on exactly today!). Here is the list, complete with revisions, as well as this year’s school goals.


2014-2015

  1. Get a 5 in both AP classes Good heavens, I mustn’t have realized how much work AP courses were (since it was my first year taking AP classes). WOW…I got a total sum of a 5….does that count? Probably not. XD Fail.
  2. Get A or higher in English I’m not quite sure what I meant by A or higher…did I mean an A+? I’m pretty sure that meant not an A-, though. I did get an A in Lit, so Success.
  3. Get 95+ in Math I’m able to get a pretty high score in math, since I get 100 for completion of the daily homework and the tests are not weighted. I didn’t get an A+ (yes…high expectations…XD), but yes I got more than 95. Success.
  4. Get into Wind Ensemble Unfortunately…I didn’t. At the time of writing, I remember having just gotten into the Symphonic Band (which feeds into the wind ensemble) and being so full of myself. 😛 I didn’t even realize the skill level the Symphonic band was playing at; never mind the level Wind Ensemble was playing at. Fail.
  5. Make SciOly nats without R :/ I still believe that the only reason our Science Olympiad team made Nationals last year (that is, 2014), and did so well was because R (a really hard working teammate) was working really hard, and was inspiring others to work hard as well…and she graduated last year. However, with all of us a year older and more experienced, as well as a great new group of teammates, we managed to make SciOly nats again. However, I’m not sure I should get any of the credit, since I didn’t do very much of the work at all. Success.
  6. Get markedly better in piano. Although I most definitely didn’t expect it, I didn’t take piano lessons for the first half (up until around February) and didn’t practice much either, being too busy with schoolwork and life in general. After February, I started piano lessons again, but once every two weeks. If it had not been for a few really good and very musically talented friends I had, I would not have thought I could have gotten better at all. However, I’ve started playing Chopin, which is my standard of “advanced”, so I do believe I have gotten better over the last year. During the summer, I also attended a band camp, in which I learned the twelve major scales (and 24 of the 36 minors), and so I now feel like I’m adequately prepared (which I’m not) to take on more in the way of music. Success 
  7. Finish 5th speech at speech class. Last year, I discovered that I was going to have to endure another year of speech class (It’s not like I hate it that much, I just felt like everyone there was judging me; so I really didn’t enjoy it). There are 10 speeches total that you have to do, in order to be “guilded”. I had finished the first two the year before, so I had 3 left. However, I didn’t realize what I had gotten myself into when I chose “The Night the Bed Fell” by James Thurber to tell, which is a very precisely worded and complicated story. I had to memorize it word for word, and as a result, I only finished that one speech last year. However, I’m glad to say that we won’t be doing the speech class again this year. Yay!! 😀 Fail
  8. Get A’s in all other courses- As mentioned earlier, I definitely didn’t realize the amount of work I had gotten myself when I decided I wanted to take 2 AP courses on top of a very packed schedule. However, I still managed to get only 1 B. I managed to scrape up at least A-‘s in all my other classes. Fail.

So I got a 4 out of 8, or 50%. Now to see if I can beat that. 🙂


2015-2016

  1. Honor God more in what I do
  2. Get a 5 in at least one AP course (which is really important, because if I don’t get a 5, then I’ll have to go to school next year. :/)
  3. Get a 800 in a SAT subject test.
  4. Take the SAT.
  5. Get at least A’s in all my courses
  6. Play more music, including starting a flute choir.
  7. Volunteer at least 100 hours (I’m homeschooled; what can you do? XD)
  8. Take at least 5 standardized (as in big, important, life/carreer changing) tests

What are your school year goals?

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