As I’m going into my senior year and am turning 18 on my next birthday, I feel like I’m qualified to give friends/boys/society advice now. *insert eyeroll*
I’ve been thinking about making a post completely dumping out all my thoughts for this topic, because it’s been a rather controversial thing that’s happened over my entire high school career, you could say. (Once you read the post, you’ll know why)
I actually made a twitter thread about this, that I’m using as my basis for this whole post, because IT’S IMPORTANT. IT’S SO IMPORTANT.
My best friend is a guy. (At least, one out of 3 of them is). We met when I was in 8th grade and he was in 7th grade. We go to the same church, so naturally I had been aware of him since before then, but we had never really talked.
And then my 8th grade year, I started doing science olympiad and band, which were both things he also did, and we became super close really quickly.
By my 9th grade year, we were using google hangouts with each other (large steps of technology for us homeschoolers ) And leT ME JUST SAY, once you start talking to me on Google Hangouts, there is no going back. I show what I think is my best side but what is probably my worst side on there.
At any rate, he is now one of my closest friends.
And beCAUSE my best friend is a guy, I really haven’t had any crushes (to talk about) throughout middle or high school. Yes, we do love each other, but it’s completely platonic. We both have other friends of the opposite gender, and we’re not limiting ourselves to each other.
And trust me, I’ve heard my share of crap about this friendship, mainly from girl friends (who are too eager to pair you with someone) and moms. (Once I overheard a church mom say to his mom regarding us: “if they fight like that now, just wait until they’re married”)
Growing up in a Christian community, I’ve heard my share of “your best friend should be the same gender so you can relate” stuff. And this is where I have an issue with Society™*. The World™ says “get yourself a boy/girlfriend as early as possible, date as much as you can, breakups are normal, so are crushes. if you feel like doing THE THING™ at age 16? GO FOR IT. WHY NOT. LIFE IS SHORT.” On the other hand, the church/Christian community says “Don’t have too close of friends with people of the opposite gender.”
*Society™ is defined as what The World™ and The Church™, or PEOPLE in general think
But honestly? I’m glad that my friend is a guy. I’m also glad I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with cheating boyfriends, or breakups, or any of that crap. I’m also glad I have a good standard to measure other guys by when I start dating.
Because trust me, if I’m dating someone (eventually) who doesn’t listen to me rant at 1am about life? He’s not staying. If I’m dating someone who doesn’t say “go ahead, rant. I’ll listen,” you can bet YOUR TOES it’s probably not going to last. (Though how I’d have gotten INTO aforementioned hypothetical relationship I really do not know).
If my future boyfriend doesn’t respect what I want, pray for me when I ask for them, give me the pressure on the important things, and in general just CARE, he’s likely as not going to BE my boyfriend.
Because of this friendship, I’ve not had the need to have boys “notice” me all throughout my middle/high school years, and that’s THE BEST. And wow, I’m so glad I didn’t spend time crushing left and right, because that’s JUST WEIRD. (#youknowyourehomeschooled)
And wow, I’m so grateful for HIM™, who has literally coached me through awkward social sitiations and girl friend issues (because, guys, MINDBLOWER: GIRLS ARE HARD TO FIGURE OUT. THE DRAMA IS REAL. it doesn’t help that I’m the most socially awkward extrovert on earth)
I’m breaking all societal norms/expectations, and I 100% think this is THE best path for me. It may not be *THE BEST* path, nor is it *THE* path that everyone should take, but this is the one I’ve taken, and I’m completely happy with it.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying to ditch all your girl best friends and to find a best boy friend. Neither am I saying that EVERY girl must have a guy best friend that’s NOT their boyfriend. I just want to point out that IT IS POSSIBLE TO HAVE A GUY BEST FRIEND WHO’S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND WHO YOU LOVE PLATONICALLY AND ITS ACTUALLY THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.
Talk to me! What are your perspectives on this? My perspective on this is probably different from other peoples’, both in the Church™ and the World™, and Society™ in general.