Funny Classified Ads

Sometimes….people write advertisements in a hurry.

  • “Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.”
  • “2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.”
  • “Washing machine: free to good home.”
  • “No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.”
  • “Great Dames for sale.”
  • “Lost Cocktail.”
  • “Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 yeards old. Hateful little dog.”
  • “German Shepherd 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.”
  • “Free ducks. You catch.”
  • “1 man, 7 woman hot tub — $850/offer”
  • “Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.”
  • “Snow blower for sale…only used on snowy days.”
  • “2 wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15”
  • “For sale: Lee Majors (6 Million Dollar Man) – $50”
  • “Shakespeare’s Pizza – Free Chopsticks”
  • “Hummels – largest selection ever. ‘If it’s in stock, we have it!'”
  • “Georgia peaches, California grown – 89 cents lb.”
  • “Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 – $9 per hour.”
  • “Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.”
  • “Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.”
  • “Carpal Tunnel Syndrome – Free Sample!”
  • “Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.”
  • “Save regularly in our bank. You’ll never reget it.”
  • “This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.”
  • “Wanted. Hunting rifle, suitable for teenagers.”
  • “Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.”
  • “Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.”
  • “Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.”
  • “Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.”
  • “Mother’s helper — peasant working conditions.”
  • “Buy your new bedroom suite from us, and we will stand behind it for six months.”
  • “A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.”
  • “Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.”
  • “Government employer looking for candidates. Criminal background required.”
  • “His and hers bicycles, $25 each or both for $55.”
  • “For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.”
  • “Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.”
  • “Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.”
  • “We’ll move you worldwide throughout the country.”
  • “We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.”
  • “Tattoos done while you wait.”
  • “Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.”
  • “Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.”
  • “If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachaise Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.”
  • “Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.”
  • “Stock up and save. Limit: one.”
  • “For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.”
  • “Wanted to buy: fishing net, must have no holes.”
  • “TO LET: 4 bedroom house close to town. No poets.”
  • “This house has been fully insulted.”
  • “Man, honest. Will take anything.”
  • “Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!”
  • “Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.”
  • “3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.”
  • “Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.”
  • “Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.”
  • “Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.”
  • “Illiterate? Write today for free help.”
  • “Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.”
  • “Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.”
  • “Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.”
  • “And now, the Superstore–unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.”
  • “We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.”

Credits go to-

I love reading these, they just lighten my day. Also, as a part of trying to keep my blog updated, I’m spending much of July prewriting blogposts. I’m planning on posting every Friday, so keep an eye out!

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